I won't give up and I won't break down (closed)

[penguin]

The figure of an equine was visible in the distance, her smoky black frame showing clear signs of dejection. Her head was not held high and proud but rather low, possibly even submissive. The mare's ears were not alert as they probably should be either. This lass was evidently pregnant, what with the barrelled shape of her stomach, yet she did not seem to care much for her surroundings as she plodded slowly along, barely lifting her hooves up high enough to avoid scraping them along the ground. Upon closer inspection a lot of dirt could be seen clinging to her coat and she did not seem to be as muscular as she should be. Many horses had spirit in their eyes too, but not this sabino. Her brown eyes were dull, lifeless. She more resembled a shadowy ghost than a mare. The sight was heart-wrenching to behold. She was pregnant! There was a wonderful life growing within her womb. Surely the essa should be ecstatic? But she wasn't. The reason for her misery was the foal inside. Not even born to the world it was already a source of burden to the mare. Now don't you get ahead of yourself and start accusing her of being a wicked creature with a heart of stone. Many would feel the same way if they found themselves with child under the same circumstances. Milah had been forced upon by a stallion that saw her as nothing but a brood mare. He believed stallions were the superior gender. Being an angry soul, this mare was often on the receiving end of his abuse and had been for a long time. The place she had to live, separated from everyone else, was ideal for a few days. There was the cave for shelter, and miraculously a small open area further into it. The strange formation of the mountains meant it was like a small enclosure with plenty of grass for her eat. For a few days she figured that she could get used to such a life. Maybe if she didn't resist Diego so much she would be happy here. Which is what she did. She dropped the coldness in her tone and was better behaved for a while though she still put up a fight when he became violent with her. It wasn't enough. She became lonely emotionally and physically, for she was often by herself and the horrible stag did not try to get to know her. The only emotional connection between the two were her fear and his rage. Diego was the leader of a herd and no one knew about her. He wouldn't be around all the time. Braving it, Milah tried to escape one day a few months ago. She had never risked doing anything like that before but she had been by herself for much longer than before and part of her had hoped that something had happened to Diego. Unfortunately, Milah had never gotten use to the land layout, had never so much as walked along some of it. Trapped on a cliff edge, when the sinful brute found her she was punished and forced to carry his child. Milah's life had never been very good but she could deal with it. She was worried about the foal however. Worried that it would be raised by Diego to be as abusive, or even worse if Diego turned on the foal itself. Snorting softly the mare pushed the thought of the foal dying before her, a cruel punishment that would be but one she wouldn't put past the stag that impregnated her against her will, out of her tormented mind as she came across a contently bubbling river. No one else was around to guard it and it was one she frequented a lot as it was the closest she found to the cave. There wasn't another for miles. Lowering her muzzle she drank deeply, her thirst quenched with every gulp of the cool liquid. Now that autumn was here the water was better tasting because in the summer it quickly became quite warm. Once she was finished she lifted her muzzle up. A small stream of droplets tumbled through the air after running down her face. Some landed back in the oversized puddle, others onto the dry ground. Milah gazed at her reflection in the fairly slow water. She barely recognised herself. Her coat was filthy, her mane was starting to get knotted. And of course, she was much larger round the middle than she was used to. For the first time in a long while she felt tears start to form in her apathetic eyes. Her facial expression revealed how much she was really suffering. Physically she wasn't too bad but mentally... There was hardly anything left. She had tried so hard to switch of her emotions but she needed a release. She had no one to talk to here. Diego was an option but he didn't care for her, why would he listen? No doubt in his eyes she was just some silly little mare with the occasional temper tantrum. She was nothing to him. Breathing in deeply the mare tried to calm her heart rate, hoping that if she kept a tight reign on her emotions they would disappear or at least retreat back into the bottle she kept corked. One day her emotions would explode out of it but she wanted to be strong now. As much as she despised being pregnant with a monster's spawn there was nothing she could do about it. She was no blacken her soul by aborting this pregnancy, nor would she do anything to risk her own life. Releasing a shaky sigh she turned away from the watering hole to head back to the cave... No, she should start to call it home. If she can trick her mind into thinking this was all there was... She'd hate herself even more. Okay. That wasn't the way to cope with the situation. Milah shook out her coat slightly before walking forwards. The foal, who was apparently thirsty as well, was starting to kick again. It did this frequently whenever Milah ate or drank something as though asking for more. The mare would have complied to her child's demands but she needed to be scarce. There was always the hazard of the grass not growing back as well as before in the cave, and the watering hole might dry out. At least she knew the foal was strong, even if she would rather it was never brought into the world. Then again the corrupted stag had said he was take Milah until she was pregnant so maybe he was just obsessing over having a foal. He could be a good father in all honesty, but the mare couldn't picture it in her mind. He had always been horrible to her. The final piece of the puzzle clicked into place then. How could she have been so blind to the prospect before? If she gave birth to a healthy youngster he might not hate her so much! He might be kinder to her. After all the foal still had to nurse from her so she needed to be in good condition. He wouldn't hurt her, at least not too badly, while she still had such a big role in the foal's upbringing. She was confident, albeit worried, that this foal would change Diego for the better for a while at least. But all good things come to end. At some point her lack of punishment would doubtlessly catch up with her and then things would return to how they were before, something Milah didn't know if she could withstand and she really didn't want to get into the frame of mind where pregnancy was her only way out. She didn't want to aid him with his idea that mares were good for nothing but carrying foals. Title & Muse: Someone's Watching Over Me Word Count: 1295 approx